Before I get to how to buy pepper spray, I gotta tell you I’m feeling like there’s something bubbling beneath the surface this morning that needs to get out. It’s kind of like a volcanic heat, or a white phosphorous grenade, for those of you familiar with ordnance.
It was all outrage yesterday on the television about AIG.
Yeah, the CEO Ed Liddy has a tin ear, but that’s not what I want to talk about here. And I’m not saying AIG executives, who ran the company into the toilet deserve a dime, because they don’t.
The real story, or back story, is the sleazeballs who were standing in the well of the House and Senate, threatening AIG executives with confiscatory taxes if they don’t give the money back. They were led by our old friend Chuck (U Farley) Schumer, the senior Senator from New York.
Ole Chucko bristled while his ally John Kerry stared and probably wondered when he could get a bathroom break to rid himself of the previous night’s filet de boofe.
But here’s an interesting fact you might want to pay attention too. The candidates who got the most cash from AIG are:
1. Christopher Dodd (Now there’s a big sur prise, sur prise, sur prise, as old Gomer used used to say). Wherever there’s corruption, whether in housing or finance, Chris Dodd is standing there…watching the building burn to the ground. But he’s going to help set things straight.
2. Chuck (U Farley) Schumer – Now this is interesteing. The guy leading the cavalry against AIG got himself the second largest pile of campaign contributions.
3. Barack Obama – That’s right ladies and gentlemen…El Jefe came in third in the campaign money sweepstakes…followed by
4. John (The Reformer) McCain – and then came…
5. John (why the long face) Kerry
6. Joe Lieberman
7. Joe (Huh?) Biden
Sure…there were a smattering of Republicans who took money too…but 85% of those who took AIG money were in the Dumbo Party. (Hey, it’s a lot easier to collect those big bundles.)
Their money should be taken away.
Fine their butts until it’s all gone. And maybe a little extra.
Kick them right out of their offices too.
They should be forced to clean bathrooms at Penn Station in New York for the rest of their miserable hypocritical lives. (Or live with Nancy Pelosi.)
Okay, no onto how to buy pepper spray
Let’s assume you want it to protect yourself, your family, or even your idiot liberal cousin from Massachusetts. Or Connecticut, or New York.
There are a few things to keep in mind.
1. The environment (and I’m not talking about Climate Change).
2. The locale.
3. How “intimate” you plan on getting with a mook.
4. How hot you like it.
Questions you should be asking are:
When do I strike? Do I spray multiple times? How strong should my pepper spray be? Am I going to be inside or outside? Is there wind? Is it raining? If I’m inside and use pepper spray what should I do after?
Personally, like Tim the Toolman Taylor, I like more power. So I always go for Wildfire. It can burn the balls off a bear in seconds, believe me I know. Now sometimes you might prefer the Mace Pepper Gun, which has a good range of twenty-five feet. It won’t burn like the tenth level of hell, but sometimes you only need Level 1 or 2. And believe me, the mook won’t know the difference.
Let’s face it, all pepper spray is effective. It’s a deterrent, and a very good one. I believe that some deterrents work better than others, and they leave a psychological scar on a mook. Wildfire leaves a permanent mark on a mook’s psyche, and he will always equate whatever his attempted crime was to horrendous pain.
The Mace Pepper Gun can take a mook out from a good distance.
But the thing is, to be effective, you have to buy pepper spray, some type, some kind, and keep it with you. It sure as heck is not going to be effective sitting in some warehouse. (I pity the fool…)
So buy pepper spray if you want protection.
And fantasize of the time you get jumped by a dirty, unshaved mook who looks like Chris Dodd…(spray spray…Oh is that you Senator…spray spray…I guess that hurts…spray spray…did you say something there…spray spray…did you ever give back that AIG money?)
Try it, thinking about that scenario is more fun than you’d imagine.
That’s just my little opinion on the matter.
