What makes tourists and foreigners attractive to local girls? What makes celebrity gossip so incredibly interesting? Why does it matter more that Jennifer Lopez runs out of toilet paper than when that happens to you? We should think about that!
If you are like me, then you have already and the answer is easy for sure: ordinary things. People are drawn to seemingly mundane topics and stories because they can relate to them on the spot. If we talk about mundane things we can instantly attract people anywhere. You might have noticed that we do that already with our friends: we talk about anything, important and unimportant alike. So when we do that to a stranger, it creates an instant feeling of “intimacy”.
Look at celebrities: Have you ever watched an interview with Angelina Jolie or Jay Leno? When they talk, they talk about mundane things. They talk about how they remodeled their homes or a how they went on a cruise, how they did this and that. The things they talk about are seemingly about day-to-day issues, things everyone can relate to:
“I like the Pasta in Italy” or “Did you ever notice that the chocolate in Spain tastes different?”
I try to be as mundane about the things I talk about as possible. Let me give you a few examples:
“I noticed the birds this morning when I got up”
“I give this piece of paper to my dog so she can eat it and that makes her happy, isn’t that awesome? I mean, a piece of paper”
“Do you smell it? The smell of fresh croissants from the pastry around the corner”
“Wasn’t it a beautiful day yesterday?”
“Did you see the clouds up there? This must be the most amazing formation ever!”
I always keep a low profile when it comes to talking about whatever comes to my mind. Need more examples? When I recently went out, I was talking to this sweet girl. She was born in LA, always lived there and apart from a couple of trips to Mexico and the East Coast of the USA hasn’t been anywhere else – she was also the dedicated driver for a bunch of people. So we started to talk and I tell her about how Los Angeles is so diverse and that this is what I like about it the most:
ME “Did you ever notice that people here in LA are kind of difficult to talk to?”
HER “Yeah, that’s true. Everyone thinks that they are special!”
ME “Do you remember when we were little? Back in the days, we were talking to anyone, we were making friends everywhere and life was just fine – what has changed since then?”
SHE “I don’t know?! But thinking of it, it’s sad – maybe we lost a bit of our innocence?”
ME “Oh yeah, totally. When was the last time you enjoyed the sunset in Santa Monica or the sunrise over Mulholland?”
SHE “Let me think! I don’t think I ever did that, actually, I don’t recall that I ever watched the sunrise over Mulholland. Is it pretty?”
ME “You bet! It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen because it draws such a strong picture, full of contrast. Everything looks so peacefully – it’s almost like having a dream.”
SHE “WOW, never thought it would be that beautiful but the way you explain it, it must be special!”
ME “I’m very disappointed in you, living all your life in Los Angeles and haven’t even seen the sunrise over Mulholland! I feel obligated now!”
SHE “Yeah, it’s just nobody ever asked me to watch it and by myself I never actually thought of doing it. Why do you feel obligated?”
ME “Because I can’t let you go on with your life knowing how breathtaking the sunrise is without you ever seeing it. So, when are we going?”
She “(laughs) You’re quick, aren’t you?”
ME “God knows how long we’ll be having those sunrises after all – we gotta hurry before we’re running out of them (smiling)”
She “Ok, here’s my cell, I’m busy this week but next week I’m fine.”
ME “Great! I’ll bring the fresh and warm bagels and you bring the tea! Just milk, no sugar for me, deal?”
SHE “Sure!”
So, what has just happened there? I was talking with this girl about ordinary things: sunset and sunrise. I was also foreshadowing but I will get into more details about that in another article. We did not talk about what I do for living or what she does, we did not brag about how cool we are, nothing like that, not even remotely. We kept the conversation casual but yet still very interesting. Although she is beautiful I did not complement her or make any moves (largely because logistics would not have worked out and that would have not gotten me anywhere anyway). I was just that man who appreciates the sunrise and she loved it, because it inspired her imagination.
She got approached by a couple of guys that night but I bet that our conversation was the most genuine and memorable. Again I used LOS to show her that I am a genuinely nice guy and even though she said she was busy for the rest of the week, she texted me somewhere in the morning “Did you make it home safely? I hope we don’t run out of sunrises before we will meet next week”.
So talking about mundane things creates attraction because we sound genuine and like someone they have known for a long time, like a good friend. I heard that more than once “I feel like I have known you forever” – this is why this will always work. It creates a feeling of friendship and intimacy you normally only find between your closest friends.
We appreciate life and simple things. We are not obsessively in love with ourselves and we don’t have to brag about who we are or what car we’re driving. We don’t seek approval or respect by trying to impress people. If they like you for being the ordinary guy, imagine what will happen as soon as they find out how awesome you really are? As soon as they hear that you are playing in a band or skydive or engineer bicycles or go bungee jumping or whatever it is that you do to enrich your life. They basically like you for being “simple” and then they find out, randomly or by accident or by checking out your facebook page, that there is way more to you than what they thought. You will come around as humble and with a strong character; they will think “wow, it keeps getting better and better!” Don’t use all your bullets at once – let them discover instead how special you are.
