Only recently has society begun to accept the idea that new mothers often go through a period of postpartum depression following the birth of their babies. Now we have begun to understand that new fathers are also susceptible to similar feelings as that of new mothers. In fact, men can experience paternal postnatal depression and overwhelming feelings of helplessness when becoming a father.
Society as a whole has traditionally embraced the idea of the strong male figure with a narrow emotional range. Men now have increasing freedom to admit their feelings on a wide range of issues, including those that our own fathers and grandfathers wouldn’t have dared discuss with others , including men’s postpartum depression.
It is unlikely that men’s postpartum depression is a new phenomenon. Rather, men have probably kept silent about their feelings until social acceptance of men’s emotional experience has expanded. Paternal postnatal depression is similar to what women go through, as Dr. Will Courtney pointed out in a recent interview on “The Mommy-Muse Is In: Empowering Your Journey into Motherhood” with host Christy Cuellar-Wentz. “So often, parents expect this experience of “baby bliss” that everyone suggests parenting is going to be like. Then, suddenly, this screaming, helpless infant is in their laps and they don’t know what to do to calm this baby, soothe it. Suddenly, things start feeling a lot more difficult than they ever expected.”
For both sexes, parenthood is a life-altering event. Couples are turned into threesomes in the short amount of time that it takes the baby to be born. Although most men report feeling satisfied with being a father, they also report that making this transition can be quite daunting. In its most severe state, men’s postpartum depression (also known as Paternal Post-Natal Depression) may necessitate help from a mental health professional who is sensitive to the needs of new fathers and understands the condition.
Sadness, loss of interest, and crying – symptoms that might accompany a new mom during postpartum depression are not atypical of the new father undergoing the same issues and dealing with postpartum depression. Men are notorious for masking their true feelings, so a man’s outward signs may be a bit hard to detect. The best clues to a possible onset of the condition are signs that something has changed in a challenging way, or a feeling that something isn’t quite “right” in his behavior.
According to Dr. Courtney, men may try to avoid parenting and new fatherhood altogether, a sort of “out of sight out of mind” mentality. “I’m hearing a lot from new dads about the experience of not being able to tolerate being around the baby. They can’t stand the baby’s cries, the screaming; they say it makes them crazy. Or, they can’t stand to smell the baby, or to even see it or hold it. Typically, men feel horribly guilty about feeling that way, and also very confused because this is not what they were told to expect with the birth of their child. All they really know to do is to try to get away from the thing that is kind of making them feel all of these things. They end up spending as much time as they can at the office.”
Both new fathers and new mothers can take a proactive stance before the baby arrives (or after the birth) to combat postpartum depression, including: Accept the reality that post-partum depression is a clinically diagnosable condition – not a myth. If a man (or woman) has a history of other forms of depression, mental health counseling should be sought before the arrival of the new baby. Many couples have issues in regards to communication. Counseling specifically to address those communication problems before, during, or after the pregnancy can help to open up lines of communication and allow couples to support each other more easily. Because so much of the stress that families undergo is related to their financial situation, the implementation of a budget prior to the birth of their child is advisable to alleviate some of the issues that the couple has going forward into parenthood. Establishing a network of reliable support is imperative. Decide in advance who can be counted on to help out when the going gets tough.
New mothers and fathers must understand that postpartum depression is a completely natural condition that should be treated, not hidden. There is no shame in being depressed after the birth of a baby, especially considering that millions of parents experience some type of postpartum mood disorder each year. Seeking out treatment for the condition is an admission of being a parent who is willing to do whatever it takes to be the best parent and partner possible.
